Birth Day

Brielle's day of birth
February 13, 1996

I have been working on re-writes of the chapter in my book about the day Brielle was born. I thought it might be helpful to watch our home videos of the days leading up to her birth and the time in the hospital. It jogged my memory about a few small details and  left me with a sense of both heaviness and peace.

It was a time filled with such anxiety since we knew Brielle had already been affected by CMV and I could feel that in the video taken the night before her birth. However, the peace it also brought me was from the joy watching her sweet little face as well as watching grandparents hold her and Ashley meet her for the first time.

Precious memories!

*Hope you are keeping updated about the progress of my book! :)

To Tell the Truth...?

When and how do I tell people about Brielle? That's a question that came up time and time again at my 25th high school reunion last weekend.

Thankfully, it seemed as though everyone had moved past trying to boast about their lives and accomplishments. Instead, my former classmates' first questions were almost exclusively, "Where do you live?" and "Are you married?" (sometimes followed by, "Did you marry someone I know from our high school?").

But, the next question frequently sent my mind racing. "Do you have any children?" Seemingly innocuous, the question carried extra weight in my mind. Of course, I answered, "Two girls, ages 18 and 16." But, then what?

The conversation often turned to questions about what activities they are involved in and how difficult it must be to have teenagers. Some had no idea just how hard it is.

So, when did I tell them about Brielle? And how?

I often started with chatter about Ashley starting college and how difficult/strange/exciting that is. Then it's time to say something about Brielle.

When I delicately told them Brielle is disabled, I was often met with looks of shock and pity. I hate those looks. The silence that followed was the loudest silence I've ever heard and yet I have heard it so often since this was not my first time in a new situation introducing people to my disabled child.

I wanted to try to ease the tension with my long lost "friends" and often quickly added, "Oh, it's been a struggle, but Brielle is wonderful" and "at least she's healthy" and "it could have been much worse".

For them, it was likely a fleeting moment of uncomfortable tension in a weekend of trying to make small talk with people they once called "friends". Inside, my heart ached and I wondered in a teenage self-centered way if my disabled child and I became the subject of discussion when the seemingly jolly group broke into smaller cliques as the night wore on.

I am confident there were others there who felt the same dread when they had to reveal a divorce or joblessness or a lack of children. So, I know I was not alone in my anxieties last weekend.

On the other hand, there were true friends there that I had stayed in touch with who knew about Brielle and asked eager questions about her and the progress of my book. I was grateful for those small bits of respite in the weekend's events.

So, if you're one of my classmates who felt uncomfortable or unsure of how to react to news of my disabled child, no worries here. I do it often. I don't expect it to be easy for you since it never gets easier for me either.

Just telling you the truth here...

* If you truly want to know more about Brielle, you've come to the right place.

Monday's Making a Difference

CHS Class of 1987
25th Reunion - September 2012

This weekend was my 25th high school reunion. Wow. How can I be that old??? We drove from Atlanta and central Illinois and enjoyed a fun weekend chatting it up with long lost friends and even went on a tour of our old high school. It was pretty low-key with, surprisingly, very little stress. None of that comparing resumes and bragging on accomplishments that seems to happen at other reunions. Thank goodness we've grown up a little.

Today's Making a Difference is about a former classmate, John. How can someone I haven't seen in 25 years and barely communicate with on Facebook make a difference? Easy. John shaped my early impressions of what it was like to have a disability because he is disabled.

I met John for the first time in high school. I honestly don't know if his family just moved to the area or if we simply went to different middle schools. Either way, we got to know each other in marching band, although exactly why, I'm not sure. He played trumpet and I did flags (now usually referred to as "color guard"). Moreover, John wore leg braces on both legs and walked with a pretty severe limp.

I think it is amazing that he had the courage and determination to perform in the marching band given his circumstances. Looking back on it with older eyes, a wiser mind, and an experienced heart (having a child with a physical impairment), I see him in a new light. His character was and is remarkable. He was always smiling, worked hard and never saw himself as different (at least not to outsiders).

John at our 25th High school Reunion
September 2012

Today, he seems to be the same wonderful person. He has worked in the field of education (not as a teacher) for years while his wife (his high school sweetheart and our fellow classmate) taught special education at our old high school, but now teaches at a Catholic school. They have several kids together and he sounds like a great father with a solid foundation of faith in God.

When we connected on Facebook a couple of years ago, I told him about Brielle and how thinking of him when Brielle first got leg braces when she was 18 months old made it easier. When I saw him this weekend, I again told him how knowing him in high school made dealing with some of the issues with Brielle easier and he really inspired me as a parent. I had to hold back some tears as I talked to him about the difference he made in my life parenting Brielle. He seemed touched and honored, but, typical for John, terribly modest.

He was a blessing in my life in high school as a friend and touched my life in ways that neither of us would know for years. Amazing person. Thanks, John, for making a difference in my life those many years ago and the impact it's had on me as a parent!

*Miss a previous "Making a Difference" entry? Just check them out here!