The Same Question

People, by their very nature, are curious. They try to figure things out. I know that's why people sometimes stare at Brielle - they are trying to figure her out -- especially children.

What people might assume is that Brielle does not notice or care if they stare. They are wrong.

Once in a while, a brave soul might ask a question. No respectful question is too personal. I'm an open book, literally. After all, I'm writing a book about our lives.

So, what questions are most often asked?

Exciting Update!

I know... I know... It's been a while since my last post. Here's my excuse: I've been a writing maniac lately!

Last September, I finished the first draft of my book about our experiences with our special needs daughter, Brielle.

Less than a month ago, I finished the re-writes.

As of today,

Happy Anniversary "Brielle & Me"!

A year ago, I "went public" with this blog. Although I started it six weeks before, I put this blog out there for the others to read and

Being Truly Creative AND Authentic

There's been a dry spell here. I haven't posted anything new in weeks. Sure, Ashley was in town for her spring break and I was busy doing things with her, especially celebrating her birthday. Bu then.... Well.... I just felt unmotivated.

The blahs? I actually have a bigger zest for life and more energy than I've had in a while. So that can't be it.

Tapped out as a writer -- aka Writer's Block? I've been a mad woman working on re-writes lately. So that can't be it.

Laziness? I've been a total busy beaver lately working on household projects, even yard work! So that can't be it.

For a few days, I rationalized my lack of blog writing as my "unofficial spring break". Everyone needs a break, right? Blogging isn't my job. I don't "have to" do this.

Then I realized something else was nagging at me.

With the end of re-writes in sight (less than half a dozen chapters left to go), I'm realizing there's so much in my head that doesn't naturally fit onto the pages of my book. My memoir is light on opinions, heavy on story telling; light on funny anecdotes, heavy on poignant moments; light on "how to's", heavy on "what I've learned"; light on breakthrough thinking, heavy on the basics. I think that's what my memoir is "supposed to do", not that there's any rules, but that's how it has evolved.

But, what about this "extra stuff"?

Unlike putting together a bookshelf from IKEA, I don't really want to just throw the extra screws and pegs in a junk drawer or into the bottom of the tool box. I want, maybe even need to get some of this extra stuff out.

So... what's all of that mean?

Changes.

Changes here on my blog. Maybe changes with my book, too. Time to dig deep and let my creativity flow while still being authentic.

Excited for what comes next!

Monday's Making a Difference - Learning from Others

Although this week's post isn't about someone who has direct contact with Brielle or our family, it none the less makes a difference in our lives because it makes a difference in my life. This week I'd like to share some of the blogs I read and what a gain from them.

How many blogs are there out there? Millions? I looked it up and there are reportedly over 180 million! So how does one comb through those and find one that is worthy of following? For me, it's a lot of "look and see". Any blog that I read is an investment of time and energy, so it has to be helpful in some way, even if only for the pure entertainment value. 

These are a few I go to regularly (usually several times a week):

Enjoying the Small Things is a wonderful blog by a mother whose second daughter was born with Down Syndrome. Her photography is amazing! (so jealous...) But, it is the small things in their family's life that she talks about (and photographs) that touch me. Her blog reminds me to make the effort to capture some of those fleeting moments.

Uncommon Sense is a blog by a mother whose first daughter who has global developmental delays (due to a genetic mutation). The stories about her family, including their baby son, are honest and insightful. However, it her determination and tenacity with her daughter that inspires me. Her story, Amsterdam International, is a gut wrenching, brutally honest follow-up to the (somewhat) well-known story "Welcome to Holland". I encourage you to read it!

The Sweeter Side of Mommyhood is just precious. Although this mom often blogs about baking (something I don't do well) and art (which I have more inspiration and enthusiasm than talent for), her one-year-old daughter also was affected by CMV. Her blogs about her little one are sweet, tender and filled with fun sarcasm that I just love. Again, this blogger has fantastic photography (insert more jealousy here).

Life With Elise is a painfully honest blog about a mom's life with a severely brain injured daughter. I struggle on a regular basis with digging up and revealing my emotions in my writing for my book. This blogger inspires me to dig deep and let it all hang out.

Angels4Chloe is a somber reminder to me about how precious life is and how fragile it can be, especially for kiddos with CMV. This mom's struggle and loss of her daughter due to complications from CMV keeps me grounded and ever mindful of what I am grateful for -- for things Brielle does not have or did not have happen because of CMV. 

There are several other blogs I keep tabs on, but may not follow quite as regularly. And I do read other blogs not related to special needs parenting, however, those just aren't in the same category for me.

Thank you all for taking the time and energy to read this blog! I'm a blog reader, too!

And to make sure you don't miss any posts by becoming a "Follower"! You can also keep up with my blog posts and other news by "Liking" my Facebook page!

Friday's Photos - Before & After

The Scrapbook Cabin -- Home Away from Home Last Weekend!

The Scrapbook Cabin -- Main Living Area

 

The Scrapbook Cabin - Scrapbook Area
(1 of 2 large scrapbooking rooms)

 

Snow at The Scrapbook Cabin!

Our dog, Cooper --
Looking a little shaggy!

Our dog, Cooper --
After getting groomed this week!
How could this be the same dog???

Wednesday was a lovely day outside to write out on our back deck!
Got "final" edits done on Chapter 13!

The only picture I think I have of just me and my mother-in-law, Connie
(She passed away suddenly in December of 2001)
I was struggling this week trying to remember the details of an event back in October of 1996 and nobody could help.  My sister-in-law, Tracy, checked her mom's old diaries and, sure enough, Connie had written down the details of the event no one else could remember. Thanks, Connie!
...miss you...


 

Not the Write Way

The Complete First Draft
of my Book

I've had some recent comments and questions about how I write. Let me tell you, I'm sure it's not conventional, but it works for me.

I started writing over eight years ago -- yes, eight years ago! It was a novel about a woman who had a special needs daughter and was traveling with both of her children over the summer to visit friends and family. Over the course of the trip, the woman recalls experiences with her children (i.e. flashback stories). At the end, she realizes how she got to where she is as a woman and mother and has an unexpected triumph. Basically, I wove our story of Brielle into this "fictional" story.

Flash forward four years (pun intended) -- I wanted to get serious about my writing and get that novel done. I joined a writers group through MeetUp. The group was a huge boost to my motivation and the feedback was extremely helpful.

About two months into the group, one of the "wiser" members asked me a poignant question: "Why are you trying to hide YOUR story in this fictional story? Why not write it as a memoir?" That changed everything.

Although I was about 75% finished with a rough draft of that novel, I chucked it in a drawer and started from scratch. (Note: I'll admit, it was a terrible story anyway.)

"The Write Club"

I began writing the first draft of the new memoir in March of 2010. My writers group morphed into an even more serious group of six members meeting once a week. Every three weeks, each member had to present his or her work. Talk about motivating.

Chapter by chapter I got our story down on paper. I'll admit, I was still a pretty lame writer especially when it came to sharing my feelings. My group eventually got direct with me and metaphorically "knocked me out of my comfort zone" until I broke down (literally). A few months later, the group fell apart for a number of reasons. It had run its course.

Then, a writer's nightmare. Apathy.

For six months I didn't write a word. I think I needed that cleansing time. On the other hand, I felt horribly guilty for putting all of that time and effort into my novel and memoir only to stop writing. I didn't want to quit. I knew I had an important story to tell.


My Current Writers Group
(although we very recently
added a new member)

Finally, 18 months ago, two members of the core group and I started meeting again. This time, we met every other week (instead of weekly) and there was no pressure, just share when you wanted. That's exactly the kind of group I needed to get going again.

For the last year or more, I've been hard at it and loving it. Maybe this is the first time I've ever "loved" writing. My writing improved A LOT. I actually shared my feelings in each chapter (yikes) and told a story worth reading.

Last July, I finally finished the rough draft of my memoir and started re-writes. I hope to be finished by the end of spring and start looking for a publisher. (Dreading that process. But willing to do whatever it takes to get my story out there.)

So, what's my crazy writing process like?

First of all, I sit down to write at least three afternoons a week. If I get a little time on a slow weekend, that's just bonus. I probably spend a minimum of 10 hours re-writing each chapter. Yes, the originals need THAT much re-working. I wrote those chapters as long ago as March of 2010 and I've come a LONG way in my writing!


 

Writin' and Watchin'

I received a new notebook computer for Christmas last year. I absolutely love the size and freedom it gives me. I have a difficult time sitting in silence, so I usually have the television on low as background noise. And what better inspiration for fabulous writing is there other than "Lost"? (Yes, I've seen the entire series at least 15 times....)

With the original chapter in front of me, I review the notes from my writers group and just sit in thought for a while about how to approach the chapter in a better way. Then, I start typing away, editing for hours.

Since I originally started writing the chapters, I've changed the format. I open each chapter with a short "story/vignette" that uses Brielle's own words so the readers get to know her. I also started using text boxes to share technical information some readers may choose to skip. Finally, I end each chapter with a relevant Bible verse. Although my book is not heavily ladened with my views as a Christian, I try to sprinkle my growth as a person, and therefore a Christian, lightly throughout the book. Nothing is "in your face". It's just my small way of sharing my walk.

Then, I consult my little scraps of paper. Whenever I hear an interesting phrase or have a thought, I scribble it down on a sticky note. These "tidbits" come from anywhere. I might here something on the radio or a phrase from a television show or a funny thing Brielle says. However unimportant it might seem at the moment, I put it on paper. I then put it with the chapter I think it's most relevant to for future reference. I don't use everything I've scribbled down, but some little note might become a significant revelation I share in a chapter or a useful way of communicating a complicated thought or feeling.

Next, I go through the chapter again looking for words I use too often, grammar issues, and all those tiny things I learned in English class many years ago.

Finally, I read it... out loud. This is a VERY useful editing tool. Reading aloud make you read every single word and hearing it somehow makes me recognize countless issues and mistakes.

I email it to members of my writers group a few days before we meet so they have time to review it and write comments. At our meeting, we spend about 30 to 45 minutes discussing. Then they had me their notes and I go home to do one last edit on it (for now). I might spend an hour or two more on it incorporating some of their suggestions. Then, I print it.

Now for the scary part...

I let Brian and Ashley read it. I also send a copy to my parents to read.

The Finished Product
After Re-Writes
(but before final edits)

I usually get a few more suggestions from each one, but I set them aside with the most recent version of the chapter in a freshly labeled folder which contains all of my drafts, everyone's comments and all of those pesky sticky notes. When I get through with re-writes, I'll take another pass at each chapter before I start looking for a publisher.

That's my process. Clearly not conventional. (Who watches "Lost" while they write???)

My goal in writing is to help other families raising special needs children. I never give specific advise or "preach". I believe that by sharing my story, others will glean what they need naturally.

Maybe my book might also make it into the hands of a few teachers, therapists or medical professionals who would benefit from it as well.

However, the greatest gift has been just getting it all out. Pouring out my story has been cathartic and a personal learning experience. I'll never make big bucks on it. I'd certainly hate to do the math on what I might get out of it financially for every hour I've spent writing or at my writers groups. But, it's not about that.

Thank you to everyone who sends me a note of encouragement or even just asks me how it's going. I love hearing from you!

I've had plenty of request for an advanced copy, but nobody (outside of family and my writers group) is allowed to peek until it's published! I'll keep you all posted on my progress!


--> Any other writers out there??? I'd love to hear about your process!


**(So, where's the old novel now? It's on a jump drive collecting dust, for now. I doubt I will ever resurrect it. But, it got me to where I am today.)

Collecting Dust
(but not forgotten)

Reflecting on 2012

Family Love & Laughter!

November 2012

It's natural (and, yes, a total cliche') to reflect on the previous year as we move on to the new one. Indeed, our family was truly blessed and endured natural changes.

The biggest change for our family was Ashley graduating from high school and starting college in Orlando, Florida this fall. We are so proud of her (straight A's her first semester!), but miss her terribly. Brielle really misses her big sister. It was a rough initial adjustment, but we've found a new routine.

We made several trips to Orlando to visit what eventually became Ashley's college campus. Brielle and I traveled to Washington state (twice to visit my parents). Brian, Brielle and I went to our hometown in Champaign, Illinois to go to my 25th high school reunion. Brian traveled to Shanghai, Germany, Brazil, Geneva and Poland (and Pennsylvania) for work. When he travels, Brielle loves sleepovers with Mom. Ashley went with friends to Panama City, Florida. But, mostly, we loved just being together at home!

Brielle now boasts that she is taller than me (only by an inch, at best) making Mom the shortest member of the family. Brielle got her braces off last May and now has a sparkling smile!  Brielle was (thankfully) healthy all year. Her only "medical event" was Botox injections in her salivary glands. Two months later, it seems to have only a small lasting effect -- very disappointing.

Brielle made great strides academically. She finally learned her basic addition and subtraction facts and is working with double digits. This is a HUGE success! She's been struggling with this skill for years and years making little or no progress, but this year, it's just clicked. And she accomplished this without much complaining or cheating (most of the time). She continues to do well in Social Studies, Reading and Language Arts. I have had the privilege of homeschooling Brielle the last three years and it has bonded us together in new and special ways. We had our biggest homeschooling adventure this spring when we spent a day without any technology. But, every day is an adventure together!

One very important part of homeschooling for Brielle is working on "life skills", those simple things that young people should learn to become independent (cooking, cleaning, laundry, money skills, shopping, etc.). Although Brielle will never become independent (live on her own without some assistance), we still focus on those skills. She's made big strides in this area this year, the most exciting was learning how to make her own breakfast from start to finish!

Brielle stayed busy playing baseball, participating on a cheerleading and dance squad, and started a new dance class. Special Olympics Bowling also just started up again. Of course, listening to music (and usually dancing along) or watching some of her favorite TV shows and movies is what she loves the most!

Life is an adventure in learning and I truly learn new things every day parenting and teaching a special needs teenager. I had several interesting insights this year. As she gets older, Brielle has new insights as well.



Brielle and Me
May 2012

My biggest accomplishment this year was finishing the rough draft of my book about our experiences with Brielle. I'm working on re-writes and hope to be done and looking for a publisher by early next summer.

One of my goals for 2012 was to start this blog dedicated to my experiences parenting Brielle. I hoped to keep up with regular posts. However, I've been slacking on in recent months. I plan to do much better with that and share information and insights that will, hopefully, help others. I am most proud of my post about the "R" Word and hope that it will be only one of many I can be proud of by this time next year.

It was a great 2012 for our family with very few disappointments or "bad times". I pray 2013 will be even more glorious!

Blessings to you and your family! I hope you'll follow my blog and comment if something strikes you. I love feedback!

A Sleepover (of Another Kind)

Whenever Brian travels, I let Brielle sleep with me one of the nights he is gone. If he is gone one night, she sleeps over that one night. If he's gone a week, she still gets just one night. It's something she loves and I wish I could say it's because she gets to sleep with me. But, I know it's because of the evening festivities instead.

No Dad. I'm not eating popcorn
on YOUR side of the bed!

It's the only time she gets to eat popcorn and drink Sprite for dinner. Brian always teases her not to eat popcorn on his side of the bed because of the crumbs. But, Brielle just laughs and we let it be "our secret". Cooper is pretty good about being a doggie vacuum cleaner and getting up all of the pieces, so it's not really an issue anyway.




Home videos are better than
anything else that's on TV!

It's also the only time I let her watch old home videos. I usually watch with her for a little while and then let her watch the rest on her own.





Daddy does the Hokey Pokey
and he turns himself around.
That's what it's all about!

Last night, I caught a few funny, classic scenes. One was of Brian doing to Hokey Pokey with Ashley at her gymnastics class. What a good sport he was. Too funny!





Can't get enough of this show!
The excellent writing always inspires me
to write better myself!

While she watched home videos, I watched my favorite TV series and worked on re-writing another chapter of my book -- Chapter 7! I'm making excellent progress! (And, yes, I've seen the whole series at least 10 times, but it never gets old! I just get "lost" in the mythology! - pun intended!)

Everyone is all tucked in!
But is there room for Mom???

I'm really bad at getting to sleep without Brian home. I stay up too late working and watching TV. Last night was no exception. When I came to bed last night, there wasn't much room for me!

Brielle doesn't get sleepovers with friends, but she loves our sleepovers together. And sleepy cuddles in the morning are the best part!

* Want to read about the best sleepover ever? Find out who it was with!

* For more about the progress of my book, check out my recent post about it or follow the summary of how it's all been going!

Writing and Re-Writing... and Re-Writing!

The fruits of my labor!
(or at least the three notebooks
with my chapters and notes)

It's been a long journey writing my story about having a special needs child. It started as a novel more than seven years ago when I started just casually writing when I had some free time (which wasn't often).  I honestly was not a good novel writer at all.  When someone from my first writer's group suggested I stop trying to cloud our story in a novel and write it as non-fiction, my memoir was born.



Tools of the trade --
my little laptop, an old fashioned notepad,
a critical red pen, and plenty of coffee!

With the help of my writer's group, I wrote and wrote until I finally finished the first draft at the end of July and am now working on re-writes. I write about four afternoons a week and am in a real groove! I hope to complete the re-writes completed by mid-spring and be on my way to publishing!

My current writer's group --
Me, MH and S

My current writer's group has been an invaluable resource providing me with helpful critiques and motivation to keep on writing. Brian, Ashley and my parents are reading my chapters for the first time and have been a huge source of support as well.



* For updates on my writing process, be sure to visit my special blog page!

* For more information about my writer's group, be sure to visit their Monday's Making a Difference page!